Developing a personal relationship with God

My earliest memory of religion is waking up early on Sunday mornings and going to church with my Dad and brother. Back then I didn't actually understand why we had to wake up at the crack of dawn and HAVE to go to church. Me and my brother just knew it was a requirement and there was no way we were getting out of it. After the dynamic in my household changed, we did not attend church as often. Occasionally, I would go to church with my mom and every now and then I would be invited by friends to attend their churches. When I got older it was a bit more consistent when I tagged along with my brother, but that came to an end too, eventually. I know so many of us can relate to this sort of introduction.

Although those early days were not some of the best memories, one thing that I did enjoy was the exciting, memorable feeling of the music that echoed throughout the church building. Till this day I can remember so many of the songs word for word. However, it wasn't until a couple of years ago that the words held actual meaning. Another thing that stands out to me from that time was my Sunday school teachers and how they taught us the books of the Bible from the Old testament to the New Testament. They made it into a challenge and handed out prizes to those who could memorize and recite the books in order. Though it was repetition more than anything, I still find myself being able to name them out until at least half way through the Old testament and about a third through the New. Despite the lack of depth to my understanding of God/Christianity/religion in my younger days, I can say without a doubt the foundation was laid, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

If I could change anything about how I was first introduced to religion, I would have wanted someone to teach me about who God actually was, why it was important to go to church, and what it would mean for me in my own life. Instead, it felt like a forced, rigid, boring, isolating routine. Now that I'm older and know God for myself, it is not as stringent and cut and dry like a lot of us were led to believe. For me, my relationship with God has so many nuances. Just thinking about it makes me emotional and brings so much joy to my spirit. I can honestly say he's my best friend, my source, my rock, my confidant, my provider, my way maker, my miracle worker, my light, my reason, and that only scratches the surface. He's my creator, my father, and the one who knows me best. We talk, we laugh, he makes his presence known to me daily, we cry, we make sense of things, we remain still. He is the guide to how I navigate the world, people, my decisions, my days. Even simple things like what I put on for the day, my nail color..song choice..He has a way of speaking through my spirit and I've been discovering just how involved and intentional he truly is. It's breathtaking and comforting all at once. And to think that all I have to do is exist, believe and acknowledge him??? It almost seems too good to be true. 

Of course, at times being led by faith can prove to be a bit difficult, and some days extremely difficult, considering the fact that we live in a broken world with broken people and a broken infrastructure led by a petulant enemy consistently running rampant through our minds, emotions, relationships and environments as he tries to lead us as far off as possible and ruin any chance we have at eternal life and a sound existence. Having God as my foundation centers me and I am able to feel and exude light, peace and positivity against all odds, even if I have to fight for it harder on some days. This is because God meets me right where I am. Just like he did when I felt like it was just me and darkness. Not surrounded by people. Not in a church. Not memorizing scripture or getting lost in song. But in a moment when all I could do was be met with his presence. Which had been there all along. From that realization, I knew that no matter where I was or who I was around I could always place him and breathe easier. 

That very foundation is why I now effortlessly can hear a random worship song in my spirit and have the urge to pull it up, open my bible daily and get excited to come across a familiar scripture, pray incessantly throughout my day, spot confirmations and winks from him in my environment, come across like minded people whether in person or online who speak to my spirit. Build my life, my space, and my relationships on healthy soil. Wake up to blessings and have random gifts bestowed upon me after walking out on faith. And ultimately, the ability to trust that at this very moment I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Because whatever happens next, he'll be there to meet me when it's time. This level of faith could only be developed by actively choosing to cultivate a personal relationship with my savior on a daily basis, and everything else follows.