Escaping Survival Mode

I've come to learn that survival mode is often a state that most people operate in for most of our lives. So many of us were born into so much trauma, chaos and pain. One of the first skills we learned was how to survive and protect ourselves from outside threats. In some cases, those threats started in our own homes. At least for me, this is where I first learned to protect myself from danger. Danger in my environment, danger from members of my family, etc. Sadly, a lot of us weren't born with the luxury of a safe, loving, warm environment. A place where we didn't have to have our guard up, look over our shoulder, be "on" at all times. A place where we didn't always have to be presentable, polished, and appear strong and unfazed. As sad as it sounds, most people allow this to become an identity. But for others, we do the work to break free from these chains.

Survival mode can be compared to living on auto-pilot. Doing what you have to do to survive and get through the day. Taking care of yourself, your kids, your family, and your home. Letting your hair down and relaxing was made to feel like an added bonus. Or something that you have to earn or feel guilty for doing. If you're not constantly moving, doing, achieving, you're looked at as lazy or not doing anything useful. If you're not consistently checking off boxes on your to do list you're not doing it right. Feeling at ease and at peace feels like a threat. Leading to thoughts like, "Wait, am I supposed to be doing something right now?" "I have to be missing something." "There's no way that everything is just.. okay." Although some people weren't programmed into this mindset, I can most certainly say I'm finally on the tail end of not having this debilitating frame of mind.

For so long, I was used to being required to have it all together. Keeping everything and everybody in order. If I didn't do it, who would? How would things stay afloat and get done? Who would protect me? Help me? Take on the load? Allow me to breathe? To exist? To just..be. It's so heartbreaking that this is the norm for so many of us. It's challenging for us to find joy in the little things and to enjoy each day we're given. Life became so serious and rigorous. The grind became the standard. Of course this stems from years and years of passed down trauma, oppression, generational curses, an unequal system and a shaky economy, but all in all, its learned behavior.

At times, I feel myself reverting back to the mode that I assumed was normal. Feeling like I've been sitting still for too long or feeling a bit too.. relaxed. But then I have to remember that I'm not responsible for keeping the world turning. I'm not that little girl yearning for safety and protection anymore. I don't have to panic when I don't feel anxious or when I'm not filling my time with something to do at any given moment. That I'm okay. That everything is okay. That I can remain still because my protector in the sky has it all covered. He won't let me down. He won't let me miss anything. He's removed all threats and keeps an eye out for anyone or anything that is trying to tear through the threshold we've worked so hard to create. I can relax, I can enjoy, I can breathe, I can....be.